It’s been a while since I wrote anything. I’ve been a little distracted. You see, I had a baby. I’m not the only one of the group that is distracted. We all have our different lives with their different challenges. So this morning I was thinking about this. The girls of Sirens’ Song are in 4 totally different places in their lives. One is managing a household with, for all practical purposes, a teenager and a tween. One has a child with unique learning challenges. One is child free but with health issues to manage. I have 2 children under the age of 3. Three of us have husbands who are in different places. The men get along well, but really have nothing much in common. I live in Dallas…the rest, for the time being, live in Abilene. (One is thinking about a move to yet another city).
So what keeps us together? Why do we work so hard to try to accommodate the different worlds of each of us? What is it about this group of friends that even when our paths shoot off in 4 totally different directions keep us from losing sight of the shared path we traveled before? Most friends would be a fond memory by now, lives moving onward. New friends made. But not this group of women. Why?
This has been playing in my thoughts off and on for a while. I really don’t have a satisfactory answer. What I know is that this group of friends work. Each of us fade in and out as our lives allow. When we are in, it’s like we were never gone. And when one of us is out, the others worry, but allow that freedom hoping that the path will eventually lead back. And so far, it has.
Maybe like lovers, friends have soul mates. And when you meet someone with whom your soul clicks, it doesn’t matter where life takes you or how far away you go, that tether is always there. Always welcoming - always open - always comfortable - forever connecting you.
This last weekend, it was my turn to go into the recording studio to lay down my tracks. This would be the 3rd studio we are on as the other two decided to close down. LeighAnn flew in, and she and I made our way to Skyline Studios of Dallas. Although I could write about how wonderful the guys were at Skyline, or about our experiences there, this is really about LeighAnn and I.
We were friends before we ever started singing together. Then when the group formed we became more of a hive, with a hive mind. It is very, very rare that I spend individual time with each of the Sirens’ Song girls now. I live in Dallas, and the other 3 are still in Abilene. If I had to guess, I would say that it’s been 10 or more years since I’ve spent individual time of any length with any of the girls.
In the week leading up to last weekend, I wondered if we would struggle to find things to talk about or if it would feel awkward. I don’t remember the last time she and I were alone on a project that we had to work together. So, there was an awareness that we could kill each other when we went into the studio. I wasn’t looking for trouble, but I was aware that there could be pitfalls.
This last weekend, when it was just LeighAnn and I, it did have a different vibe then when all 4 of us are together. It reminded me of the girls we were when we met, of finding the things that we had in common or found interesting about the other. We seemed to easily flow from “work” to our every day lives just like it did when I lived 10 minutes from her all those years ago.
LeighAnn is a talented woman especially with music. She knows what she likes, and she knows what she doesn’t. She also has a pretty good concept of what works and what doesn’t. (While those two sentences sound the same, they really are not.) So it was very easy to let her take the reigns and produce while I stood in a little closet and sang. Because of the way we have to rehearse with a 3 hour distance between me and the rest of the girls, the first time she really heard my part was in the studio. Most worked well, a few of things she rewrote on the spot and I recorded that. A couple of things were tabled until we could pull the rest of the group in. All in all, our experience was a good one. We accomplished a great deal more then we thought we would. We were both exhausted beyond belief by the time I took her back to the airport Sunday afternoon. AND, most importantly, we did not kill each other - didn’t even come close.
Although this past weekend was a wonderful experience, it did make me want more time with each of the girls to reconnect on the individual friendships while still enjoying the unique friendship of the hive mind.
As a group we have been together since 1996 and as friends even longer. We have performed at music festivals, renaissance faires, weddings, large parties, and small. We have worked in a studio on our Cds. We have worn costumes, fancy dresses, and everything in between for performances. We are an eclectic group of women. Sometimes I’m amazed that we work as well as we do. Our clothing styles, personalities, decorating tastes - you name it - are all so very different. Our voices are worlds apart. We are even at different places in our lives. Yet somehow it all works when we come together.
Recently we tried our hand at a music video. And I think we had forgotten how each of us function in a new environment. So it became a little stressful. One wanted all the little details taken care of before we even got a working idea of a storyline - one wanted to ride the wave where ever it took her - one wanted to let the people who knew what they were doing actually do their job with little interference from the group - and one wanted to just get it done with the least amount of stress possible. 4 totally different ways of doing a project.
We got the filming done and I believe, each of us came away learning something. One came away with a new experience under her belt and the happier for it - one came away with what she did and did not want when she did her own video - one came away with the knowledge that it can be done even under not so ideal circumstances - and one came away with even a greater understanding of how her friends work in a situation they have no real control of.
Our differences are just going to become more obvious the older and more set in our ways we get. But it has always been those differences that make us work. We may find those differences annoying and frustrating at times but we appreciate what each of us brings to our group. It’s in our differences that we are all the stronger friends.
Marla is the Siren that I have known the longest. Hilary glided into my life. LeighAnn came bursting on the scene. With Marla, I believe some thing had in mind for us to be friends, and if one situation didn’t work, then another was created. I’m sure that if that situation hadn’t worked, yet another would have happened. Marla and I actually met in college. We sat side by side — at the same table, elbow to elbow for an entire college semester. We exchanged the occassional “hi” and that was about it. I didn’t really give it much thought until almost 6 months later, we were to meet again. A mutual friend was really into a role playing game and he wanted my husband and I to meet a couple of other friends he had for an evening to see if we liked playing. He showed up with Marla and her husband. I spent all evening trying to figure out where I knew her from. I don’t remember not having Marla around from that point on. We fell into a friendship that was easy and had always seemed to be there. These are the things that I love about Marla.
1. She’s not afraid of manual labor, and has proved it time and time again.
2. She may not agree with your life choices, but she’ll love you anyway.
3. She walks a quiet path.
4. Life has thrown her a few hard balls, and she has handled them with dignity and grace.
5. She’s the best seamstress out there. I have costumes that have lasted 10 years and still look as good as the day she made them.
6. She is soft spoken, but not weak.
7. She works hard at seeing only the good, in her family, in her friends, and in strangers.
8. Her God is her foundation and her family is her world.
9. She trusted me enough to take care of her baby while she went on an overnight retreat for the first time since her baby was born. That made a huge impression on me.
10. She taught me how to sew, how to lay gravel, and how to strip windows.
11. She doesn’t seem to mind people just dropping by her house. And your always welcome to stay for dinner.
12. Secrets are always safe with her.
13. Marla lives the old saying, “if life throws you lemons, make lemonaide.” When life doesn’t bring much her way or brings the “not-so-good,” she can and does make the most beautiful things - whether it be a dress for an old friend, or a relationship with a new one.
I met LeighAnn when she hired my husband as the technical director for a show she was directing. I still remember the first time I saw her. It was in a rundown warehouse full of 4X8 stage platforms, tools, and paint. My first thought? “oh geez. my husband is going to be working side by side with that beauty?!?” When we left from that first meeting, my husband said, “well…what do you think?” I grinned…”She’s very nice.” “Is that all?” he asked. “She’s very pretty. What do you think?” He said…”we’ll kill each other, and if we don’t, we’ll put on an extremely good show.” That was the start of my friendship with LeighAnn. These are the things I’ve come to love about her over the years.
1. She’s very creative, not only in her music, but in her life as well.
2. She’s a risk taker.
3. She feels things deeply — not just the bad but the good as well.
4. She supports unconditionally.
5. She can take life’s hard knocks, and she’ll get right back up and be the stronger for it.
6. Her family comes first.
7. She doesn’t give up, not on people, not on life…and most certainly not on love.
8. Her God is the center of her being.
9. She’s one week older then me. (that’s just for LeLe)
10. Her humor is infectious.
11. She easily shares in my excitement - even if it’s not something she’d normally be excited about.
12. She understands how I feel about having a child, and about having more.
13. From the moment we left that warehouse, I knew a friendship was born. When I think of LeighAnn, I think of the greeting cards with the two little girls with their backs to the camera, hand in hand. She always walks beside me.
Each of the Sirens’ holds a place in my life and heart that is all their own. In the coming writings, I will discuss each. Both LeighAnn and Hilary have done something similar so check out their blogs. I am going to steal LeighAnn’s “top 13 list” for my format.
Today is about the Siren whose personality is most like mine. She’s the one I’ve known the least amount of time - a mere 10 years give or take a year or 2 - and we are attached at the hip. These are the things I love about Hilary.
1. Probably the most intellectual of the group, Hilary is a scholar. Her lyrics, thoughts, and opinions are always well thought out.
2. She makes me laugh.
3. She is a loyal daughter and friend.
4. She knows and understands my thoughts almost before I even think them.
5. She knows when to stand her ground…and when to compromise.
6. She writes beautiful music.
7. Her life is centered around her God.
8. She is very focused.
9. She has shared some of the most embarrassing times of my life and has kept them secret.
10. She gives of herself to family, friends, and strangers.
11. She loves my daughter as one of her own family.
12. She can disagree with me yet still remain hip to hip.
13. She is still one of my best friends, knowing all the good and the bad.
Sirens’ Song has been together since the mid-1990’s. We started out as 3 (myself, LeighAnn, and Marla) and called ourselves 3 Roses and a Sweet Pea. The sweet pea being Marla’s first baby. A year or so later, Hilary came to us and we’ve been going strong ever since.
In this day of groups breaking up and friends doing the same, people have asked me how it is that we stay together. Like all other groups we have our ups and our downs, and times we have differences of opinions or creative differences. However, our group politics are such that we all speak our mind with a gentleness; we all listen; and we are concerned about how the other 3 feel. The difference between us and other groups who haven’t made it as long is that we are a family. Families never give up on each other. Unconditional love and support are what we offer the other 3.
Our love of music brought us together…our love of each other and our friendship is what keeps us together.
For those interested in following a little closer to one of the Sirens,’ this is for you. LeighAnn started a blog a while back and has gently moved the rest of us to do the same. I don’t promise postings often, or that they will be as insightful as LeighAnn’s or Hilary’s. But I will give this a shot. I hope you enjoy.
